I often hear people in their 30's 40's and 50's refer to the way they were treated as a child. A few years ago, I would talk about my childhood too - as if to explain how I became the person I am today. This is such normal behavior that when you make a new friend or date someone new- there's some underlying expectation to discuss your childhood, as if it defines who you are. Your childhood is just a part of your life experience- it's time we stop giving it so much power.
If you're over the age of 25 and still discussing your childhood in a negative way, rather than a positive one- you have some inner work to do. Our relationships, including the ones with our parents (or lack of), are a part of our life experience. They can be our greatest source of learning or our BIGGEST excuse for a lack of self-accountability. How many people do you know today still blaming their childhood for everything wrong in their life? This is the definition of Victimhood, especially for anyone over the age of 18 years old. I've observed that some people are as addicted to talking about their painful childhood (even at the age of 40) as others are addicted to cigarettes. They can't go one single day without it. They've practiced this pattern of memory, pain, victimhood for so long that it defines their whole life.
Recently someone said to me "That person is damaged because of their childhood." Then another person last week said, "She's that way because of her mother and that is just the way she was raised." We are still buying into this false premise that adults are tethered to their childhood with no ability to change themselves or their perspectives on life.
As for my own childhood, was it all rainbows and butterflies- of course not. Am I damaged because of anything that happened- absolutely not. My parents did the best that they could with what they had and I am grateful for the many lessons that I learned. I learned independence, resiliency, and the contrast that propelled me to go seek out more. You can always choose to extract the lessons and the good- or focus on all of the bad things and play the victim. Which one do you think is going to give you more freedom? I have a lot of great childhood memories and hilarious stories that I love to share with my own children. These are the things that deserve my energy and attention because they are fond memories worth remembering. These memories feel good and I am grateful for them.
Memories are just thoughts that you give energy to and the human brain is not very accurate when recalling them. If you have a painful memory that bothers you there is a simple solution- stop thinking about it! You don't have to give energy, time, or focus to any painful memory- YOU choose what you think about all day long. When you're boo-hoo'ing to a friend, therapist, or spouse about your childhood- that is also YOUR choice to talk about it. Ask yourself, "How is keeping this memory active in my vibration serving my highest good?" If it doesn't serve you, stop thinking about it and please stop TALKING about it. YOU and only YOU are keeping it active. This is why a lot of talk therapy has no impact on growth- because people share all of the bad and none of the good. If you went to therapy every week and only shared positive memories, everything you're grateful for, and all of the good things you're manifesting- you would no longer need therapy. YOU and only you are choosing to focus on the bad- then you're seeking out other people assisting you in your plan to only focus on the bad. Make the choice today to stop abusing yourself, stop talking about old things that don't help you, and move in the direction of the things you DO want to manifest.
You are not your parents. You are not your childhood. You are your own individual person who came here to be your most authentic self and enjoy life. You are a pure, positive being at the core of who you are. Holding onto anything from your childhood that feels bad to you is your guidance system letting you know to LET IT GO. If this is a struggle for you then try this exercise by Abraham-Hicks instead: Book of Positive Aspects. Whether it's your mother, father, sibling, or any other family member - list out all of the positive aspects you like about that person and/or any positive memory you can remember. This will help you focus on the good, rather than the bad.
The more you can love your parents and family members for who they are, rather than what you expect them to be- the more peace you will have. When you love people just as they are- you give them permission to be the same way with you. If they are constantly judging, criticizing, or manipulating you- that is a reflection of their own internal struggles, not a reflection of your character.
You chose your parents to guide you in a way that only you can understand. When you can take a step back into the Observer role, those reasons will become much more obvious to you. So whether you have a healthy relationship or a very unhealthy relationship with one or both of your parents- remember that they are NOT responsible for your life- YOU are. They were only meant to create you and give you some basic guidance. Change your expectations of what you thought they should or should not have done for you and you will be able to love your parents just as they are.
In this Age of Accountability- I challenge you to design the life that you want to live and enjoy. You are not damaged and you are not a victim. You are a creator. You came here to learn, grow, and constantly expand into a better version of yourself. Stop looking around at other people in your life to do your creating for you. YOU are the author of your own story- so be the hero that you already are and let go of anything that no longer serves you.
Peace, love, and happy manifesting,