A Perspective on Addictions

Addictions are based on emotional addictions. There’s an emotion someone is running from or running towards. People want to feel good and when they don’t know how to make themselves feel good, they can sometimes fall into the trap of using addictions to make themselves feel better temporarily. It’s rooted in the emotion of feeling good now, but then feeling guilty later. A very common addiction rarely discussed is that of co-dependent behavior. Those who are co-dependent on other people to constantly uplift them (because they don’t know how to do it for themselves) usually don’t see this addiction as a problem and it is socially acceptable to be co-dependent.

Yes, humans are designed to be connected, but if you start every day feeling bad and depend on others to uplift you, then you have an emotional addiction. Every single person is capable of self-regulation and creating positive emotions for themselves without any external influence. However, when someone lacks this awareness, they can easily become emotionally addicted (co-dependent) on others. People constantly seeking attention from potential romantic partners have a co-dependent addiction. They need to feel desired in order to feel good.

Infidelity is an emotional addiction and co-dependent behavior. It is ok to want to be desired by your partner and to speak up about that need. However, when someone is offering this and you still need to seek it from other people, that is an emotional addiction. If it comes at the expense of hurting others, it is an addiction. If you need constant validation and attention from others, it is a very clear sign that you are not giving it to yourself. You are seeking an external feeling that you can be giving internally to yourself. Co-dependency is just one example of an emotional addiction.

Another example is a gambling addiction. This addiction is based on running towards hope and freedom. Financial resources mean freedom. The get-rich-quick feeling keeps people coming back for more. If people invested the amount of time, money, and energy on a small business as they do lottery tickets; they would no longer need to buy lottery tickets and could invest in themselves instead. Do you know how many small businesses you can start for less than $1000? Yet, how many people have already spent that amount or more on lottery tickets or other gambling this year?

So why don’t more people create small businesses instead of gambling? Because somewhere along the way, they became convinced that they couldn’t do it. Either from a lack of education, financial support, or other reasons, they never start those small businesses they talk about. If you have a gambling addiction, I urge you to choose to invest in yourself instead. You are absolutely worth it and you can do it. There’s many resources available to you and people less qualified than you who are already running small businesses. Give yourself the hope and freedom you deserve by investing in yourself.

Smoking addictions are based on a feeling of relaxation through slowed breathing. Pulling a drag on a cigarette forces one to slow their breath into deep, long breaths. This is essentially what works for everyone when they are stressed, upset, or in a fight-or-flight response. It’s the slowed breathing that calms the nervous system that they are after, the cigarette is just the means to achieve that. This is why electronic cigarettes are so popular, they have the same result: slowed breathing. You can train yourself to do slowed breathing and you wouldn’t need the cigarette or its unhealthy side effects.

Now, substance abuse addictions are typically an avoidance behavior. It’s an attempt to escape from an emotion or reality altogether. Without any sense of emotional regulation, people think that avoiding themselves will turn it off. However, when the high wears off, they go right back to the same thinking patterns that led them to the emotions they are trying to avoid. No pill, drug, or drink is EVER going to teach you how to focus your thoughts. You always have the power to focus your thoughts, which lead to your emotions, which lead to your internal environment. Self-regulation and emotional processing can curtail the need to avoid oneself. You don’t need to avoid yourself, you need to get to know yourself. Nobody can do this work for you. Get to know your triggers, know your coping mechanisms, know how to regulate yourself, know how to uplift yourself. Fall in love with learning about, improving, and getting to know yourself.

Now if you believe the ‘addiction is a disease’ philosophy then you might find yourself stuck in a victimhood mentality that you will always have this ‘disease’ which is not true. Addictions are not a disease; they are a coping mechanism to a lack of emotional regulation. Yes, calling it a disease might relieve you or loved ones of some of the guilt around this person’s choices; but they are, in fact, choices. Not everyone chooses to escape their emotional environment through the use of substances, that is a choice that has nothing to do with biology, it is an individual choice.  

The definition of a biological disease is: a disordered or incorrectly functioning organ, part, structure, or system of the body resulting from the effect of genetic or developmental errors, infection, poisons, nutritional deficiency or imbalance, toxicity, or unfavorable environmental factors. There is nothing diseased about your body or mind when it comes to addictions. Addictions are a coping mechanism. Children don’t have substance abuse addictions because it is a learned behavior. Diseases impact all people of all ages. Substance abuse addictions impact teenagers and adults only. Addictions can be cured and it happens daily. Sometimes it’s spontaneous and some of them take time and practice. If you learned this behavior, then you can also unlearn this behavior.

I, like many others, partied throughout my twenties and thirties, but when I felt like it was time to stop, I just stopped. It didn’t require countless doctors visits, it wasn’t a huge ordeal, it was simply a choice. I didn’t like the feeling of a hangover so I stopped drinking. I also realized that I didn’t need to feel an alcohol buzz in order to relax or have fun. I didn’t discuss my choice with anyone nor seek any approval, I simply stopped. It was as simple as making the choice to stop consuming cow’s milk. It is a choice.

Your journey may not look like mine, but if you want to stop an addiction, the first step is awareness. It’s breaking a habit. Every time you have an urge, ask yourself, “Is this choice going to make me feel good or make me feel worse later?” I once coached a very successful businessman who replaced his nightly drinking habit by returning to jogging. His love of running was a much better feeling than the guilt he felt after drinking. This is about choosing yourself and what feels best to you. You know what makes you happy and you know what makes you feel bad.

If you don’t want to consume something, nobody is forcing you to. Nobody can make you smoke, drink, pop pills, etc. anymore than they can force you to drink cow’s milk. When we start using words like ‘disease’ we take away one’s power to choose. Consuming any substance is a choice. Humans only need food, water, and oxygen to survive. Substance abuse addictions are not diseases, they are choices. We can discuss the various reasons why people consume harmful substances, but at the end of the day, it is a choice. It is not a ‘disease of the mind’ the way schizophrenia is either. The entire ‘disease’ philosophy is to relieve the feelings of guilt and/or to make you believe you can never recover from this particular coping mechanism. It robs of you of the ability to heal yourself which you absolutely can. There are countless stories of people overcoming addictions daily, don’t buy into the belief that it’s something you can’t achieve. Getting sober is like losing weight, it’s a series of choices, and there are many different pathways to achieve the goal. You have to find what works best for you.

If you cannot stop an addiction on your own, there are many resources available to you. There are therapists, coaches, and detox centers everywhere. My personal recommendation is to find a program that includes cognitive training. As I said earlier, no drink/drug/pill will ever teach you how to focus your thoughts. Your emotional environment is based on your thoughts. Cognitive training teaches you how to train your focus. Reliving old/past events repeatedly is only going to keep you looped into old vibrations that led to the avoidance behavior (substance abuse) in the first place. It’s ok to process old emotions/old stories in order to move through them, but sobriety is about moving forward, not reliving the past. This is about creating the best version of you. Training your mind will train your body how to relax naturally.        

We are all creators and we create our own emotional environments regardless of our outer circumstances. When you realize you are the creator of your reality, then you don’t need to escape your reality. Alignment curbs addiction. Instead of using a substance to forget your emotions; find your alignment and move yourself up the Emotional Guidance Scale. Distracting yourself with something that causes guilt will never bring the same feelings as doing the things that you love. It is not about forgetting; it is about remembering.

I pray that you choose yourself today and every day. If you or anyone you know is struggling with an addiction, know that eliminating the addiction is possible. Resources are available and when you are ready, the Universe will guide you to the professionals, books, videos, etc. to help you. You can heal yourself. I am rooting for you, you got this.

All is well and you are loved,



Stop Apologizing for Having Fun

In a world of critics and cynics, you will constantly be told to stop posting selfies, sharing stories, or bragging about your experiences. It's not bragging if it's the truth and you're enjoying life. It's highlighting how fun life can be if you choose to make it that way. It's showing appreciation for the experiences and people who bring you joy. You don't need to apologize for having fun and enjoying your life.

If someone cannot figure out what makes them happy or constantly creates justifications for their unhappiness, that is not your concern. They must find their own alignment and their own path. Do not dial down your life, your relationships, or your experiences. You inspire others when you share the good stuff! If you're not comfortable with sharing, that's totally fine, but don't STOP sharing just because it makes someone else uncomfortable. What they are really uncomfortable with is being accountable for creating their life. They want pity and attention instead of fun experiences. You cannot change their perceptions nor their behaviors. You can only continue to live your life the way that you want it to be.

There is no need for guilt or explanations either. You are accountable to you so you might as well enjoy your journey. Don't fall for the paradigm that "life is hard and you must struggle for everything" unless that's the type of life you want to live. Follow your own heart, your own excitement, and no apologies are necessary!

- DeVon  

You Are What You Focus On

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow. Our life is the creation of our mind. -Buddha

The average person has 60,000 thoughts a day streaming through their awareness. What you are observing today is based on where your attention and focus were yesterday. The huge movement of mindfulness and meditation is based on attention-training. It is the practice of training your mind to focus on what you want rather than what you do NOT want. Your inner voice is the most frequent voice you hear all day long and it is shaping your life.

This is why coaches start off with the same practice- doing an inventory or a summary of your belief systems and thought patterns. What do you focus on daily? What are your perspectives on this situation or that topic or that relationship? People go to coaches because there is something they want to change in their life. What people are realizing is that it's their own thinking patterns and belief systems that they want to challenge and maybe change. 

Your inner world is creating your outer world based on where your mind rests and where your attention flows. The good news is that you are in absolute control of your own perspectives, beliefs, and focus. The bad news is that you can no longer blame everyone else for things that you want to change. You are not a victim waiting for adversity to happen. You are a creator who is in control of your experience because you are in control of your thoughts, your emotions, and your focus. 

I'm not against therapy if you are dealing with some serious mental health issues; however, what most people are looking for is a partner to coach them through making some life changes. So whether it's career, relationship, health, or any area of your life- this person will focus on the present and setting goals for the future. 

As coaches, we work with clients who want to change something about their life. We help them sift and sort through what it is they want to give them clarity. We may discuss the past to review your current belief systems, but reactivating painful memories from the past is what therapists do, not coaches. As a coach, stories from the past are just that-stories. In the words of Carl Jung "You are what YOU choose to become." Our focus is the present and the future. Where are you now? Where do you want to be? Let's devise an action plan and steps to get there. Coaches help you work on the 'what' and the 'how-to' part of personal development. 

So whether it's your physical health, eating habits, toxic thinking patterns, emotional health, social skills, relationship management, and a variety of other things that people want to change- there are coaches available everywhere.

We are offering online courses as well so that we may reach anyone and everyone who is ready to work on themselves to live their best life possible. 

We love you guys and hope to see you in one of our courses or workshops soon!

With gratitude,

The Team

Letting Go of Your Childhood

I often hear people in their 30's 40's and 50's refer to the way they were treated as a child. A few years ago, I would talk about my childhood too - as if to explain how I became the person I am today. This is such normal behavior that when you make a new friend or date someone new- there's some underlying expectation to discuss your childhood, as if it defines who you are. Your childhood is just a part of your life experience- it's time we stop giving it so much power.

If you're over the age of 25 and still discussing your childhood in a negative way, rather than a positive one- you have some inner work to do. Our relationships, including the ones with our parents (or lack of), are a part of our life experience. They can be our greatest source of learning or our BIGGEST excuse for a lack of self-accountability. How many people do you know today still blaming their childhood for everything wrong in their life? This is the definition of Victimhood, especially for anyone over the age of 18 years old. I've observed that some people are as addicted to talking about their painful childhood (even at the age of 40) as others are addicted to cigarettes. They can't go one single day without it. They've practiced this pattern of memory, pain, victimhood for so long that it defines their whole life. 

Recently someone said to me "That person is damaged because of their childhood." Then another person last week said, "She's that way because of her mother and that is just the way she was raised." We are still buying into this false premise that adults are tethered to their childhood with no ability to change themselves or their perspectives on life. 

As for my own childhood, was it all rainbows and butterflies- of course not. Am I damaged because of anything that happened- absolutely not. My parents did the best that they could with what they had and I am grateful for the many lessons that I learned. I learned independence, resiliency, and the contrast that propelled me to go seek out more. You can always choose to extract the lessons and the good- or focus on all of the bad things and play the victim. Which one do you think is going to give you more freedom? I have a lot of great childhood memories and hilarious stories that I love to share with my own children. These are the things that deserve my energy and attention because they are fond memories worth remembering. These memories feel good and I am grateful for them. 

Memories are just thoughts that you give energy to and the human brain is not very accurate when recalling them. If you have a painful memory that bothers you there is a simple solution- stop thinking about it! You don't have to give energy, time, or focus to any painful memory- YOU choose what you think about all day long. When you're boo-hoo'ing to a friend, therapist, or spouse about your childhood- that is also YOUR choice to talk about it. Ask yourself, "How is keeping this memory active in my vibration serving my highest good?" If it doesn't serve you, stop thinking about it and please stop TALKING about it. YOU and only YOU are keeping it active. This is why a lot of talk therapy has no impact on growth- because people share all of the bad and none of the good. If you went to therapy every week and only shared positive memories, everything you're grateful for, and all of the good things you're manifesting- you would no longer need therapy. YOU and only you are choosing to focus on the bad- then you're seeking out other people assisting you in your plan to only focus on the bad. Make the choice today to stop abusing yourself, stop talking about old things that don't help you, and move in the direction of the things you DO want to manifest.

You are not your parents. You are not your childhood. You are your own individual person who came here to be your most authentic self and enjoy life. You are a pure, positive being at the core of who you are. Holding onto anything from your childhood that feels bad to you is your guidance system letting you know to LET IT GO. If this is a struggle for you then try this exercise by Abraham-Hicks instead: Book of Positive Aspects. Whether it's your mother, father, sibling, or any other family member - list out all of the positive aspects you like about that person and/or any positive memory you can remember. This will help you focus on the good, rather than the bad.

The more you can love your parents and family members for who they are, rather than what you expect them to be- the more peace you will have. When you love people just as they are- you give them permission to be the same way with you. If they are constantly judging, criticizing, or manipulating you- that is a reflection of their own internal struggles, not a reflection of your character.

You chose your parents to guide you in a way that only you can understand. When you can take a step back into the Observer role, those reasons will become much more obvious to you. So whether you have a healthy relationship or a very unhealthy relationship with one or both of your parents- remember that they are NOT responsible for your life- YOU are. They were only meant to create you and give you some basic guidance. Change your expectations of what you thought they should or should not have done for you and you will be able to love your parents just as they are. 

In this Age of Accountability- I challenge you to design the life that you want to live and enjoy. You are not damaged and you are not a victim. You are a creator. You came here to learn, grow, and constantly expand into a better version of yourself. Stop looking around at other people in your life to do your creating for you. YOU are the author of your own story- so be the hero that you already are and let go of anything that no longer serves you.

Peace, love, and happy manifesting,




A Fulfilling Work Life

What makes a Fulfilling Work Life?

According to The Four Purposes of Life, Dan Millman states:

Knowing your core value is only one facet of self-knowledge and career choice. You also need to measure any potential career against three essential key criteria:

1. Do I find the work satisfying?

2. Can I make good money?

3. Does it provide a useful service?

These questions point to the three essential components of a fulfilling work life. Two out of three may seem sufficient for a while, but all three elements are usually required in a satisfying long-term career. And (along with unfair or incompetent superiors or repressive company policies) the lack of one or more of these 3 basic elements is the primary cause of dissatisfaction and complaints in the workplace (Millman, 2011).

Why Do Emotions Exist?

I challenge you to ask any psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist a very simple question: Why do emotions exist?

I bet you will get a variety of answers if you get a definitive answer at all. This basic question was barely covered in my undergraduate psychology program, but thoughts and emotions are the basis of all human behavior. As Dr. Daniel Amen says, a psychiatrist is the only medical doctor that does not examine the organ they treat- the human brain. How many people with ADHD, depression, anxiety, etc. do you know on medication, but have never once had a brain scan done?

So if thoughts and emotions are the foundation of behavior then why aren't we asking why they exist? We know that both humans and animals have emotions and we spend a lot of time understanding animal instincts and emotions, yet remain very undecided about our own.

I've read about this topic for many years and while we are starting to understand the human brain, we are just beginning this research. I am personally a supporter of the work of Abraham-Hicks on the topic of emotions and I highly recommend the book, Power of Emotions.

According to Abraham-Hicks, our emotions exist as our personal Emotional Guidance System (EGS) to guide us to both our own alignment and manifesting what we want in life. Negative emotion exists when your thoughts are out of alignment with your authentic/true self (loving, peaceful, grateful, happy) and positive emotion exists when you are in alignment. Emotions also exist to show you whether you are manifesting something you want or do not want in your life. Emotions such as fear/guilt/shame are lower vibrations and out of alignment with who you really are- which is why they feel bad. You can stairstep yourself up into higher vibrations by reaching for better-feeling thoughts about yourself and others. As you keep raising your vibration, you will attract more positive thoughts and more positive things will manifest in your life.

I often hear men say things like "he's so emotional" or "she's just being emotional" because they do not understand what emotions are or why they exist. Everyone has emotions and is emotional on a daily basis because it's an essential part of being human. When you say someone is "emotional" it's like saying "they're breathing" or "that person's heart is beating." We're simply lacking an understanding of our emotions & the inability to communicate them. Because men have been conditioned to stifle emotions or not to communicate them at all- they miss out on using their own internal EGS to guide them towards a life of peace and happiness. Women also misunderstand their emotions by lumping them all in one place by saying "I'm a mess" or "I'm a b*tch" and pretending not to have any. We ALL have emotions, we've just never been taught how to use them in a way that helps us instead of harming us. 

So let me share some insight of how to use your emotions and your EGS to guide you towards your natural state of happiness. First, understand that thoughts are energy and your thoughts give rise to your emotions. As Wayne Dyer said, "Thoughts are your currency so don't use your money to buy stuff you don't want. Just as you wouldn't buy a bunch of stuff you don't want and put it in your house, don't fill your head with thoughts that don't feel good to you."

You are the awareness behind your thoughts and emotions so when you experience an emotion you like (gratitude, satisfaction, happiness. love, appreciation, etc.) sit with it a moment and enjoy how good it feels. Do this as often as possible to keep your vibration in a good-feeling place.

When you experience negative emotion, pause and reflect on what this could be telling you, teaching you, or guiding you away from. Contrast exists so we can observe people, places, things, and experiences we do NOT want and move in a different direction. Don't try to squash, stifle, or pretend negative emotions do not exist- see them for what they are: an indicator.

Nobody can think your thoughts for you; therefore, you are the only person who creates your own emotional state based on your thoughts. In the words of Abraham-Hicks say to yourself daily, "Nothing is more important than that I feel good today." Then keep redirecting your thoughts to those that feel good to you. You are meant to live a joyful and abundant life and you can use your EGS to guide you towards what you want to create, manifest, and enjoy. Allow your negative emotions to be the catalyst to move you in a different direction that will serve you, not stifle you.

Emotions are a REALLY good thing and the more you are aware of how you are feeling, the more you can begin to put the Law of Attraction to work in your life to build the joyful life your Inner being already knows it came here to create.

Peace and love my friends,




Love Yourself Like Your Dog

I have always thought I was a decent person who could use some improvements in certain areas, but I didn't realize what I was missing was self-love. I've learned from the great teacher, Matt Kahn, how important it is to love myself first. If I don't love myself, I have nothing to give to others. 

People can only love you from the vantage point of how much they love themselves. We oftentimes hold onto the negative feedback from others ("you're difficult, you're selfish, you're -insert any insult here) while ignoring the positive feedback. The psychologists and neuroscientists (see Dr. Rick Hanson's work) explain how our brains are designed to detect threats; however, we are processing things as threats that aren't truly threats. As Dr. Hanson states in his book Rewiring Your Brain for Happiness, our brains have become Velcro for the negative and Teflon for the positive. Neuroplasticity research has proven repeatedly that we can rewire our brains by changing our thoughts to more positive ones. 

If you are a student of the Law of Attraction then you know that like attracts like- so maintaining a positive thought for 17 seconds or longer will attract more of the same positive thoughts. How do you do that if you're a cynical and self-loathing person constantly scanning the environment for threats and filling your head with negative self-talk? You do it by learning how to love yourself. 

Yes, this may sound cheesy or you don't think it's even possible to rewire your brain for happiness, but it IS possible- you simply have to change your thoughts. It starts by choosing thoughts that feel good to you. According to Abraham-Hicks, all negative emotion is the result of thinking thoughts that are out of alignment with who you really are and how Source (God or whatever name you like) sees you. Positive emotion is the result of you being in alignment and it's why those thoughts feel good to you. Your feelings are your Emotional Guidance System and you should trust them above all else. 

A really good example of how to love yourself is how you feel about your dog. My dog Zoe who passed away last year was my "Fat, Little Angel" for 14 years. A friend once asked me "So she doesn't have to do anything for treats, she just has to exist?" My response was "Yes, I love her just as she is and she doesn't have to do anything to earn my love." Well, that's how Source sees all of us- we are unconditionally loved just as we are, you just have to allow it. It's time to start seeing yourself that way too- and loving yourself just as you are. I loved my dog Zoe despite her desire to kill squirrels, her paws that smelled like corn chips, or her daily tracking of mud through the house. I loved her cute Ewok-like face, her curly tail, her friendly demeanor, her fuzzy paws, and pretty much everything about her. That's how we all should love ourselves- all of our uniqueness, quirky ways, etc. are what we should love about ourselves. 

Stop what you're doing right now and put your hand over your heart. Now, take a deep breath in and out and say "I love you" to yourself. Take another deep breath and send love to your own heart. Now take another deep breath in/out and send love to every cell in your body. Now do it again and send love to all 7 billion people on the planet. This is who you really are. You are a loving, peaceful creator who came here for experience, creation, and expansion.

The love you seek from your partner, parents, siblings, friends, etc. is the love you are not giving to yourself. Love is our highest vibration which is why it feels so good. However, you cannot receive the love you seek if you've not first given it to yourself. It's the equivalent of ordering a package without giving a delivery address. There is so much love in the Universe, but it starts with you allowing it in- by first loving yourself.

Think of your dog (or cat) and how much you love them despite how they look or behave. This is the type of unconditional love to give yourself daily. It doesn't matter what you did or how you look- you are ALWAYS loved because you come from love and you are love. Do not let the critics, cynics, or negative people around you convince you otherwise because the infinite intelligence within you already knows the Truth. Practice loving yourself, being patient with yourself, and reaching for better feeling thoughts about yourself and others and you WILL rewire your brain for happiness which is our natural state. 

Peace and love my friends,



Learning to Love Yourself

There are many self-help and positive thinking books, articles, and tools you can use to help rewire your brain for more positive thoughts. However, the theme of many self-help books/articles/courses etc. is really learning how to love yourself again. When you truly love yourself, you are able to manifest better health, relationships, and abundance in all areas of your life. 

So how do you silence the harsh inner critic and learn how to love yourself again? Well there are many different ways of doing this. Some people use religious paths, some use cognitive behavioral therapy, and some use self-help books and courses. The path that has worked for me is the path of heart-centered living. That is a very broad term that can cover a variety of things so I will share my own personal path of heart-centered living. 

My research of the human heart started with something my pastor said 2 years ago when I started my spiritual journey when he said, "DeVon you're an intellectual, but if you want to know God, you need to open your heart." So being the researcher that I am, I immediately started researching the human heart. One of the best teams to explain the human heart are the folks at The Heart Math Institute (heartmath.org) and I recommend them as a good starting point to learn heart-centered living. 

Now that I was understanding the physical parts of the human heart, I needed a better understanding of the spiritual and psychological parts of the human heart. Hands down, my favorite teacher/author on this topic is Matt Kahn. He has taught me self-love in so many ways that words cannot possibly describe. Not only do I HIGHLY recommend his book, Whatever Arises Love That, but his YouTube videos (TrueDivineNature.com) are blessings themselves. 

Matt Kahn has many daily practices that you can do so I'll share a couple of them that have worked really well for me.  

1. Put your hand over your heart (or both hands) and take a few slow deep breaths imagining the air flowing in and out of your heart (at least 5 seconds in and 5 seconds out, longer if you can). According to heartmath.org this will also get your heart-rate variability back to where it needs to be for optimum physical/emotional health. 

2. As you are doing your heart centered breathing, send love to your OWN heart. Say out loud to yourself "I Love You" as many times as you need to feel warm and fuzzy inside. This is you getting into alignment with the REAL you. Your true nature is a state of love, appreciation, and peace. Any negative state you find yourself in is you responding to the conditions you're observing or stuck in the stories you're telling yourself about You or other people. They are just stories that can be altered or let go of at your own choosing.  Sending love to your own heart daily will help you release negative thinking patterns because love is a much higher vibration than fear, guilt, shame, etc.

3. If you're near a mirror- look into your own eyes and say "I Love You" as many times until it feels good. This may seem fake because you're busy judging your physical appearances, but the more times you do this, the more you will get into alignment with the Real you. You are not your physical body, you are a beautiful, eternal soul having a physical experience. The more you love yourself, the more you will see it manifest in your physical body. You will make healthier eating choices, do the activities that feel good and keep your body in good health, and your skin will have a natural glow to it. Self-love is the missing component of why so many weight loss plans fail and why the psychology of eating is sweeping by leaps and bounds to real long term healthy lifestyle changes. If you're stuck in a pattern of eating junk, then self-loathing- the way to break out of that cycle is through self-love. The more you love yourself, the better care you'll take of your physical body. 

Practice these heart-centered and self-love activities on a daily basis and watch your attitude towards yourself and others change for the better. Remember that we are all on individual journeys, including YOU. Love yourself and others exactly where you are today and you will be on a path to happiness and in alignment with who you really are. 

In the words of Abraham-Hicks:  “You are free. You are powerful. You are good. You are love. You have value. You have purpose. All is well."

Peace and love my friends, 




Your Emotional Guidance System

Here in the West we are conditioned to believe that intellectualism is better than being emotional. By emotional, I mean someone who experiences a myriad of emotions or someone who is unable to control their emotions. We are taught to believe that rational thought is more sound than responding to emotions and our strongest leaders are those who show little to no emotion in any situation.  

What if I told you that this is where we've gone off the rails in terms of our own self-guidance? As you know, every part of our brain exists to serve a purpose and the most useful of these is our emotions. In order to understand why emotions exist, you must first understand who you really are. Regardless of your religious beliefs (or lack of) you are still an eternal soul housed in a human body for an average time span of around 80 years. You came here to create, expand, experience life, and grow. Your Emotional Guidance System was put into place so you will know when you are manifesting or attracting something you do want versus something you don't want to experience. 

Here in the United States, we are heavily conditioned to follow the same life path: go to school, go to college, get a good job, get married, buy a house, have kids, sacrifice all of your personal interests to serve those kids, then retire and do light traveling. Anyone who doesn't follow this life path is considered a rebel, outcast, or maverick and people try to analyze them to find out 'what went wrong' in their upbringing. People try to decide whether society, the parents, or some traumatic event should be blamed for their lack of conformity. 

This is also another place where we've forgotten who we Really are. We are not our parents, siblings, grandparents, or any other relative for that matter. This is why you will find so much diversity and differening perspectives amongst siblings. Yes, we inherit our physical features and some cell memory from our parents, but we also have our own individualized thoughts and journeys in this experience called life.  

Your Emotional Guidance System is your own personal navigation system to guide you to creating the experiences you do and don't want in this lifetime. When you are experiencing negative emotions (fear, anger, guilt, shame, regret) you are out of alignment with who you Really are. When you are experiencing positive emotions (happiness, appreciation, gratitude, love, etc.) you are in alignment with who you Really are. We are all vibrational beings and the laws of the Universe are just responding to the vibrations we are emitting. Most people offer vibrations in response to what they are observing in their experience instead of being proactive and offering up a better feeling vibration then allowing the Universe to bring more of those positive feelings and experiences.

Here's an example: You wake up and your first thoughts are the things you need to get done today, followed by dreading a long commute to work, then thinking about all of the annoying co-workers or boss you might have, then figuring out after school activities for children, what is for dinner, what bills you have to pay, etc. Trust me, I know because I spent years in those same thought patterns. I also got to the point of asking myself "There's got to be more to life than just paying bills and dying." That is when I discovered Wayne Dyer and Abraham-Hicks who showed me how to use my Emotional Guidance System to feel my way through manifesting the life that I want.  

Now, instead of waking up to all of the dreaded to-do's or thinking of all the people who annoyed me the previous day, I start my day reaching for better feeling thoughts. As Abraham says, start every day with "nothing is more important than that I feel good today" and continuously reach for better feeling thoughts. Upon waking, the first thing I do is get myself feeling appreciation, even for the small things. I appreciate my comfortable blanket, the smell of freshly washed sheets, morning doggy kisses, and many other small things that bring me joy. Then I allow some thoughts of things I want to get done for the day, but I've tremendously reduced my to-do list and I no longer beat myself up for not getting everything done. Busyness truly is an addiction that we've been taught to believe makes us useful people, and it is absolutely a myth. Overextending ourselves and saying yes to too many things is what is stressing us out unnecessarily. The happiest people you will meet know how to slow down, savor life, and live in the moment. The past is just memories and the future does not exist. Today is what matters. The ideal place to be is grateful for what you have today, while creating and manifesting things you want in the future. 

So as you go about your day, you don't need to constantly monitor your thoughts (that would be exhausting), but you should stay aware of how you feel. If you are feeling negative than reach for better feeling thoughts and keep practicing this to move yourself up the Emotional Guidance scale (see diagram). As you get yourself into better feeling thoughts, you will attract more of the same. Abraham states that it only takes 17 seconds to have a good feeling thought that attracts more. I can personally say that the daily practice of gratitude and appreciation for myself and others has completely changed my life for the better. Wayne Dyer's books taught me how to find inner peace and Abraham-Hicks has taught me how to manifest the things and the life that makes me happy. 

You don't have to follow the life path you've been conditioned to believe will make you happy if that is not what you want. This is YOUR life and only you can think your thoughts and know how you're feeling. The more you get to know the Real you, the more you will get on the path of creating and experience the things that bring you joy. Trust your inner guidance system (Emotional Guidance System) and never forget how loved you truly are. You are a creator. Those creative thoughts help you decide what you do and don't want and your EGS guides you to what feels right for you. 

May you find the joy and happiness that is always available to you if you just allow it. 


Peace and love, 



The Science Behind PTSD Symptoms: How Trauma Changes The Brain

By Michele Rosenthal

After any type of trauma (from combat to car accidents, natural disasters to domestic violence, sexual assault to child abuse), the brain and body change. Every cell records memories and every embedded, trauma-related neuropathway has the opportunity to repeatedly reactivate.

Sometimes the alterations these imprints create are transitory, the small glitch of disruptive dreams and moods that subside in a few weeks. In other situations the changes evolve into readily apparent symptoms that impair function and present in ways that interfere with jobs, friendships and relationships.

One of the most difficult aspects for survivors in the aftermath of trauma is understanding the changes that occur, plus integrating what they mean, how they affect a life and what can be done to ameliorate them. Launching the recovery process begins with normalizing post-trauma symptoms by investigating how trauma affects that brain and what symptoms these effects create.

The 3-Part Brain

The Triune Brain model, introduced by physician and neuroscientist Paul D. MacLean, explains the brain in three parts:

  • Reptilian (brain stem): This innermost part of the brain is responsible for survival instincts and autonomic body processes.
  • Mammalian (limbic, midbrain): The midlevel of the brain, this part processes emotions and conveys sensory relays.
  • Neommalian (cortex, forebrain): The most highly evolved part of the brain, this area outer controls cognitive processing, decision-making, learning, memory and inhibitory functions.

During a traumatic experience, the reptilian brain takes control, shifting the body into reactive mode. Shutting down all non-essential body and mind processes, the brain stem orchestrates survival mode. During this time the sympathetic nervous system increases stress hormones and prepares the body to fight, flee or freeze.

In a normal situation, when immediate threat ceases, the parasympathetic nervous system shifts the body into restorative mode. This process reduces stress hormones and allows the brain to shift back to the normal top-down structure of control.

However, for those 20 percent of trauma survivors who go on to develop symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) — an unmitigated experience of anxiety related to the past trauma — the shift from reactive to responsive mode never occurs. Instead, the reptilian brain, primed to threat and supported by dysregulated activity in significant brain structures, holds the survivor in a constant reactive state.

The Dysregulated Post-Trauma Brain

The four categories of PTSD symptoms include: intrusive thoughts (unwanted memories); mood alterations (shame, blame, persistent negativity); hypervigilance (exaggerated startle response); and avoidance (of all sensory and emotional trauma-related material). These cause confusing symptoms for survivors who don’t understand how they’ve suddenly become so out of control in their own minds and bodies.

Unexpected rage or tears, shortness of breath, increased heart rate, shaking, memory loss, concentration challenges, insomnia, nightmares and emotional numbing can hijack both an identity and a life. The problem isn’t that the survivor won’t “just get over it” but that she needs time, help and the opportunity to discover her own path to healing in order to do so.

Throughout the brain several chemical and biological imbalances can present after trauma. Their effects are especially exacerbated by three major brain function dysregulations:

  • Overstimulated amygdala: An almond-shaped mass located deep in the brain, the amygdala is responsible for survival-related threat identification, plus tagging memories with emotion. After trauma the amygdala can get caught up in a highly alert and activated loop during which it looks for and perceives threat everywhere.
  • Underactive hippocampus: An increase in the stress hormone glucocorticoid kills cells in the hippocampus, which renders it less effective in making synaptic connections necessary for memory consolidation. This interruption keeps both the body and mind stimulated in reactive mode as neither element receives the message that the threat has transformed into the past tense.
  • Ineffective variability: The constant elevation of stress hormones interferes with the body’s ability to regulate itself. The sympathetic nervous system remains highly activated leading to fatigue of the body and many of its systems, most notably the adrenal.

How Healing Happens

While changes to the brain can seem, on the surface, disastrous and representative of permanent damage, the truth is that all of these alterations can be reversed. The amygdala can learn to relax; the hippocampus can resume proper memory consolidation; the nervous system can recommence its easy flow between reactive and restorative modes. The key to achieving a state of neutrality and then healing lies in helping to reprogram the body and mind.

While the two collaborate in a natural feedback loop, processes designed for each individually are vast. Hypnosis, neuro-linguistic programming and other brain-related modalities can teach the mind to reframe and release the grip of trauma. Likewise, approaches including somatic experiencing, tension and trauma releasing exercises and other body-centric techniques can help the body recalibrate to normalcy.

Survivors are unique; their healing will be individual. There is no one-size-fits-all or personal guarantee for what will work (and the same program will not work for everyone). However, the majority of evidence suggests that when survivors commit to a process of exploring and testing treatment options they can, over a period of time, reduce the effects of trauma and even eliminate symptoms of PTSD.


Career Happiness

Why are 2/3 of people unfulfilled in their work? I have contemplated this question for many years due to working with so many undecided college students. Students are unsure what they want so they settle for a major then finish their degree. After college, they are unable to find a job because they lack experience in their chosen field. So now they are thousands of dollars in debt for a degree in something they aren't passion about.

So what's the solution? This may sound bold coming from a college counselor, but it's time to be brutally honest. You should NOT go to college unless you know which degree you want. If a college degree is the largest purchase of your life outside of your home, doesn't it make more sense to know what you want before buying it?

Culturally, we teach high school teens to move to a college campus and figure it out there. This is a disaster both socially and financially. How motivated would you be to do homework daily/weekly when you don't even know the intended outcome?

The problem stems from parents assuming that high schools are providing college prep services for their students. While most high school guidance counselors want to provide this for their students, most of them spend their time on non-counseling duties (covering lunch shifts, behavioral problems, etc.). In a recent study, 54% of high school guidance counselors said they spend less than 20% of their time on college readiness, selection, and applications for their students. (www.nacacnet.org)

High school guidance counselor recommended ratios are 1 per 250 students. However, many operate at 1 counselor for over 500 students. Some high schools have no guidance counselors at all. When budget cuts happen, these are the first positions to go. We currently have a shortage of high school guidance counselors coupled with counselors performing non-counseling related tasks.

If you are a parent, it's safe to assume that your child is getting little to no assistance with the college selection or application process. This is how so many of us in the educational consulting world end up with so many frustrated parents in our offices.

While we cannot change the staffing of counselors in high schools, what we can do is start preparing teens for college selection/application processes during their sophomore and junior year so they can take their time exploring careers. 

For the best results, students should take some assessments to determine which careers suit them best. Then they should choose their major based on the job requirements. Finally, the student should select a college based off of their chosen major.

This is how a young person goes through the career exploration process at little to no cost while in high school rather than figuring it out at $4,000+ per semester. 

If you're really stuck at a crossroad, you can hire people like me to assist in the process; however, this is something every teen and their parents can do on their own.

Find the career you want first and then take the necessary steps to get there and you will find the career happiness that many people never will.

Learn. Grow. Pay it Forward.